yeah

fuck yeah, i love life

put a penny in the slot.

wow, it's been forever.

this summer has consumed me, it got me away from wasting time on techonology. which i do love doing, but living is much more fun.

i agree completley with my permed haired freckled face cutie,

this is and was the best summer i have ever had.

i am endlessly happy now, and i've never been this way before.

im a changed person, i'd like to think.

its time to mature, school is started.

life is only throwing good things this way,

and i want the people close to me now, to be there forever.

just another day

how quick things change, and for everyone close to me as well.

best friends, become the most distant of people.

i wish it didn't have to be this way, but apologizes aren't accepted and it's showing me what im not missing. sometimes it's okay not to speak, this time maybe for the better.

im glad not one, but two of my girls have realized what they needs all along, i hope shes happy. i hope they knows, true love finds you in the end. please don't ever fret.

it's summer, the air is finally warm, and from what little i breathe from my two days a week outside, its beautiful. this is gonna be a great summer. i have new people in my life to spend it with.

i have an apartment! and it's small but i love it. i can't wait for everything thats coming, except i'm gonna miss home soo much. work, my family there, and the people at home. especially cause i have found, right now what i need. im secure, comfortable, and happy. i've grown close to someone that i can't help but to spend all my time with, only wanting more.

life is good.

new romantic way.

it's been forever, 

there is so much that has gone on.

my life has changed.

samson, 

you are my sweetest downfall, i loved you first, always will.

but it's not worth thinking about, so i don't and haven't. i've moved on, and im really geniually happy. i'm in a really good place right now, hope you to.

soon, im gonna be on my own.

alone, in a place bigger than i've ever thought i'd be used to.

with new people, and new experiences.

im going to go look at a new home tommrrow, holy mac.

every single aspect of my life is expanding, it's becoming more real, it's surreal.

im growing up, im hardley eighteen, for oh so many reasons.

this month is gonna be so busy, i won't even feel the days go by.

coldplays in four days, im gonna crap my pants.

grad in fourteen, and fifteen days. holy shit, kids are all big now.

my life keeps throwing in all these new things, surprises.

i'm loving what i'm living right now.

little bribes.

my smile is shining through alot lately,

i can feel summer coming.

the twenties are coming, music feels right,

i bought beautiful shorts and already pulled out the sandals.

i have three days off in a row, for time to relax.

its like a vacation, without leaving.

almost as good, i don't feel i need to leave right now.

boy, oh boy.

i am geniually really happy right now.

i have been becoming closer with some freinds, and everyday

i realize more and more what amazing people they are.

and the new people in my life, i'm so glad to have met.

this is a change, a new change, a really good change.

i just keep smiling.

who is your humble

fact: i'm in love andy hull, and the three unreleased songs i heard of his today.

fact: i don't like it when people ignore others.

fact: i had a lovely evening, just driving around listening to good ol' brand new with miss mary. it reminded me of ol' times, and i felt carefree. 

fact: i'm gonna try and not let shit get to me.

fact: i'm still very very upset over the fact that that i was not in minneaplois last week, swooning over andy hull in the station 4 club. fuck.

fact: things are gonna start changing and im really scared, i think i'm one of those things.

fact: i'm really tired all the time, and need more sleep than  i have been getting.

canonball.

im keeping everything inside of me.

i can feel it today.

it actually hurts.

anatomy.

all my muscles are tightening,

im losing.

and i want to, but i don't know how to win.

it's gonna be a long fucking week.

it's only been monday for an hour an seven minutes..

grey weather.

recongnize beauty and ugliness is born.

recongnize good and evil is born.

is and isn't produce each other.

hard depends on easy,

long is tested by short,

high is determined by low,

sound is harmonized by voice,

after is follwed by before.

i want to breathe this book in, hoping i received it all when exhaling. 

things have been all over the place lately.

blahhhh.

btw: if you love earth, animals and documentaries,

go see disney earth.

it's oh so quiet.

i was considering today i may have the swine flu,
but it's just most defiantly the second option from the last post.

i am about to combust entirely, in every way.
along with my best friend, i had such a horrible dream last night i kept waking up repetivly. it was horrid, it was like reality was trying to break some surface. i woke up and actually started to worry if it was real, if this dream was possible.and if it's just trying to present me with some hideous future. WTF.

everything right now is such a blur. everyone around me lately is a voice, there are actually few that i hear. these people are the ones i am spending my time with, or making phone contact with.
i need something more than a vacation at this point.
i need to loose my mind.
in a completely different way than i am right now.
exit, escape.

i'd cross the sea and land for him,
he's my brandy alexander, and i'm the girl
who loves him inside and out,
backwards and forwards with my heart hanging out,
I love no other way.

and don't want to, for anyone else.

it's just textbook stuff.

oh i hope i'm not getting sick, it's quite possible though.
either that or every emotion that i have been feeling lately are all surfacing to make me ache, shiver and feel like complete crap.

come to think of it, may just be the second one.


scholarship status: complete. time for some shut eye.

one great city.

april 17th, happy birthday my darling devan. we went to the weakerthans last night, and by golly they were glorious. except they didn't play sun in an empty room, woah let down. but when they played the reasons, i felt my heart rise and fall like it was the only thing that the music affected.

however, there is just so much going on right now, i feel like my head is separate from my body. soon im thinking it may be, i will keep myself preoccupied with lurking blogs. finding unless but amusing stuff like this.

faded from winter.

yes, this is a real device. its called a truth wristband kit and they cost $45 bucks. you can ask the person wearing it a question and it will indicate if they are lying or telling the truth. this would come in handy, anytime now. except i may be more scared, than excited. it's from likecool.com, btw.

ps. my mind is a mind field right now, you can interpret the rest.

unpleasent surprise.

almost got devoured by a spider this morning, in my bed. in my bed! why do these things exist, my only thought is so people like me can fear them.

thank you braden scott, for saving me.

fast car.

yesterday really was a good friday.

i along with cody, also haven't had such a good day in a long time.
i woke up next to a best friend, and enjoyed every second of it, whither the room was spinning or not.

the day only proceeded to get better, i got to see baba and gido whom i haven't seen in a while. they are so old, and funny i love them dearly. i went to pick up my boy, and go to his family easter supper. i am generally always extremely happy, these people are just wonderful. the conversations, personalities, this is such a wonderful family, im so happy to be apart of it.

i continued to spend the remainder of the night with my love, and the more time i spend with him the more i realize why im with him. i woke up this morning just blissfully happy, and im so right with my life right now. i can hardly wait for whatever's next.

sleep tonight.

there are so many things i look forward to in four months.
oh my lord, four months..
i look forward to school, learning again, and just being busy.
living with my bear, making life all the more interesting, and wonderful.
spending more time with my great friends.
doing something new.
finally beginning.

and all the late nights, looking like a freaking zombie.
these black circles are nothing in comparison to the future.

grey with pastel.

ièv got freinds in low places.

note: i really hate being hungover. if someone created a pill that cured that, lord they would be rich.. i could have used some today, and im thinking tomorrow.

fool.

april in manitoba, its no suprise there is snow, is there?
today after work i was so angered at the massive piles of snow that i decided to find a way to make myself feel better.
this began my half an hour snowman building. yes i built a snowman and yes, it was kinda sorta fun. but the sole purpose of building this snowman, is to watch it melt, knowing that when it does, it will be gone for the rest of the year..
i can't wait to watch it melt, however more slowly than i would like im sure..


this is me and my creation, i am kissing him goodbye.

sunshine,

yesterday i continually saw my life five months from now. i saw my future, and it looked extremely hopeful. there are so many reasons for me to be happy right now. there is nothing right now that i would change.

i woke up this morning, went to my future family members house and had french toast. my heart may have warmed and than melted some of the snow outside today i walked out so satisfied. all of my current friendships melt my heart, in such a good way. and than of course there's that one boy, that has captured my heart in more ways than he or i will ever know. i can't wait for five months from now, i can't wait for life to move forward.

ps. last night at devan g's, we made what it was in my mind an unforgettable memory. glad it was on the same night we participated in earth hour. next year anyone?

drifts, futurama, rye and pizza.

another swell thursday.
i have come to realize sometimes i contradict myself, and i hate it. i am defiantly going to fix that all up this weekend, the way people assume however, is so ridiculous it's almost amusing.
apparently,
there's this terrifying scary coyote about 30 feet from my window right now, howling so loud, hes defiantly getting closer. i need to put on the ipod, and block this shit out. there are so many clear reason's to be afraid of the dark.
stupid east of 7, mr.hotel will agree.

reconstruction site.

today, on youtube i found andy hull covering the weakerthan's, the reasons. i near shit a brick. i listened to it four times in a row, and lost count after that.
those two make a love tag team.

ps. i died my hair today.
pps. i love it, and want red hair foreva.
however in the pictures it looks much darker.
this is more its color.

ppps. i hope coldplay puts on a second show, cause we didn't get tickets. and i don't want to sit at home crying that night, listening to coldplay on my ipod.

i've got freinds.

ps. APRIL 21ST, get pumped. andy hull and manchester orchestra are putting ear melting material on the store shelves. "mean everything to nothing." FINALLY.

and to put the icing on the cake, manchester will will coming as close as minneapolis in may, so as long as someone wants to tag along for a drive. i'll be seeing andy hull live, for only 10-13$. oh lord it will be beautiful.

2009 concert's are epic.

invisible children.

http://www.invisiblechildren.com/home.php

cody and paste this in your web bar.
support this outstanding organization.
buy something, or donate.
and do more than just watch.

hit the switch.

BEYONCE IN EIGHTEEN DAYS!
than..
WEAKERTHANS!
COLDPLAY!
PARAMORE, NO DOUBT, BEDOUIN SOUNDCLASH!

AHHH!
if my mind doesn't explode this year, i'm aware some other body part will.
good chance its my heart, from all this good.

and so on.

11-20 appreciation.

11. smiles, the right ones from the right people are all I need some days.
12. romantic gestures, cause well who doesn’t appreciate that?
13. conversation. I love learning about people by conversation with them, my appreciation for people that can and want to carry on conversations are endless, especially if there with me!
14. the seasons (excluding winter) (especially fall). They are all so different, each special in its own way. Except winter, it’s just stupid, cold and dreadful.
15. music. Wither it’s being played or made, it’s so high on my list.
16. laughter.
17. hugs.
18. family, despite the craziness.
19. ice cream, and just going on dates for that purpose.
20. Sunday’s.

and one for the sake of it being the last one.
21. love, and what it can do to an individual.

small town talk.

i continue to want, and strive for conversation.
i wanted to talk about something tonight, thought about it all yesterday. kinda kept me up at night last night. i didn't get to talk about it, and will probably put it off now.
ugh.

it would be so much easier if people could read my mind when i need to discuss important matters, i hate that i hesitate than choke up like there's a stupid seashell stuck in my small throat. which happens to continually push down further in the attempt to try to speak.

for a girl that strive for conversation, i got quite the issue.

i spent 2 hours tonight standing submerged in conversation, i was in a bad mood. i could have continued it for so much longer, some peoples outlooks on life make me think i could be so much better at everything i do.
i came out not in a bad mood.

mamma's boy.

i swear if i don't have this exact puppy as soon as im done school,
all hell will break loose.
it's horrid enough i have to wait six years.
ughhh.

but always finish it.

there are times when you sit and watch movies, and come out of it wanting those hours you wasted back. to have the time that you could have used, doing something else, maybe something more enjoyable, or more productive, back.
tonight, this is neither the case, or the feeling. i experienced, to say the least, probably one of the most powerful films i have ever seen.

tonight, i watched the changeling.

this movie was not only moving, but incredibly emotional.
from scenes where human rights is violated, to shear hurt, to life being taken away. i felt every part of this movie, and didn't bother hiding my displays for it.

if any movie should have won any kind of award, it should have been this one.
it may have been the best i have seen so far this year. and miss Jolie she did, well if their were words to describe her performance, they probably still aren't suitable enough..

i urge you, to watch this film.

that time.

i woke up this morning, after 8 hours of sleep. which never happens.
the dark circles under my bagged eyes were still there.
i cried out "dark circles go away" and my mother responded with,
"I BOUGHT YOU MEDICATION FOR THAT". clearly it didn't help..

the start of appreciation:

1. air
2. my organs, somehow even with mine, i am living. so i appreciate the fact their keeping me around for a while.
3. the sun and its abundance of heat, not to mention i love the way it shines.
4. people, as much as i say sometimes i don't like certain people, or certain types of people, i really do. i love how every person is their own, no one or nothing like them, it blows me away.
5. art. every form, in any way, by anyone. its all amazing.
6. peanut butter, just because it is the shit above all shit.
7. fair trade and it's products, it's a good cause, and its delicious.
8. blankets, pillows and beds. really there's not much to top how much i appreciate these things at the end of the day.
9. advice, whoever its from, however it comes, whatever it's about. always appreciated.
10. affection, i love knowing how people feel. i appreciate it when a person can show me how they feel rather than always saying. no matter the emotion.

10-20 to come.


oh jones, you always get my hopes up.

oh well, go to change, off to bowling.
love it, love it, love it.
ughh, i need to clean my room. i wouldn't be able to tell now if animals lived in here. gosh, why isn't this kind of stuff self cleaning!

saturdays and five feet.

i need to write down, to vocalize what i need to appreciate. in case i don't verbally say it enough, or i guess for others curiosity sake.

i'll do that soon.
within the next few posts for sure.
maybe a list of what i don't appreciate will join in.
see how the week goes.

you come, i go.

been so busy lately, it feels like i constantly have shoes on my feet, and they get worn down so much everyday. i guess it's a good excuse for more shoes..

over thinking is such a huge tendency i have, and it's never about a reasonable issue.its always about stupid things, that im already reassured about. i just worry, and keep it to myself to much.

two nights ago, i saw sepetember. i saw my life in 7 months, and instantly had a warm fast beating heart. i'd be tired everyday in 7 months to spend every night the way i spent monday night. there is nothing i am more excited for, i'm in love with EVERY part of it.

diets going horrible. i'v been following it, trying real hard, but there is ALWAYS something i think is eatable and after a month of eating turns out NAT, FML.

had tea with my two favorite people tonight, having both of them in the same place for some reason is now a rare occurrence, but there isn't much that makes me happier than just that.

lately i've noticed i don't see my own face around much, i hope im just as important. hope it's been noted, i noted it.

i know i don't capaltize words, if i had it my way i never would.

off to paint for the love of my life, shhh! he dudn't know yet!


REPEAT MUCH?!

zzz.

i'll do a long update tomorrow.

i'm dead tired.

give up.

woah, sensitivity.
something needs to help me tone it down.

even i find it ridiculous.
holy, hormones.

meet the two emotions.


sorry people within my presence.

swarm swarm swarm.

it's bitter outside, biting really is it is.
thankfully ace and krissy bare with me in the morn.
can't wait to smell without sniffles.
and breathe without fog coming out.
and most of all walk whenever i want, wherever, with anyone, at any time.

decided to embrace my time.
im taking advice, given to me so long ago.
can't wait to just RELAX.

generally when I'm not with certain people, i feel alone.
only because they are the ones i want to be with.
i have trouble focusing on here and now.
this will come to an end?

ps: i love all the people in my life right now, the ones i spend time with
or make time to talk to, or talk about, are more important than they know.
i hope they know.

this is what i should be doing..

im amidst the mess, back to it.

2008 lists are long overdue in my head.

my favorite things in 2008:

* the countless evenings, with blankets, pillows, snuggling on a couch, laughing, watching multiple movies with my favorite girl in the world.

* new music, new artists, new taste.

* kafe hus. the hilarity, the anger, the countless discussions, the unforgettable moments, the customers and most of all the bond of the kafe "family".

* late nights, early mornings, basically enjoying every second, and most of all cuddling, all with my boy.

* damien rice.

* time consumption.

* watching pride and prejudice as much as possible.

* watching movies as much as possible.

* the brigade and the countless wild antic's we partake in.

* sleep.

* scott campbell and his continuous delightful artwork.

* last but not least, andy hull and all his musical endeavors.

health 101.

i marked todays date down.
things have only begun to change.
you really don't know what you have got till its gone, and sometimes it doesn't even go, it's just been taken, or worse than that restricted.

i need to research the human body more, i want to know it all.